Fantasy

Bette Davis & Marilyn Monroe "All About Eve" 1950

For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to escape.  I've never felt 100% comfortable living in actual reality - I craved glamour, fantasy, the silver screen.  When I was in elementary school I would get the TV guide over the weekend and I would scan it for Bette Davis and Marilyn Monroe movies.  If there happened to be a marathon on TV one day I would plan to feign sickness so I could stay home from school and binge watch - already a perfect little performer at age 7, 8 or 9!  I'm not even sure how I knew about these glamorous woman whose star's shined many, many decades before my time.  I was even obsessed with Zsa Zsa Gabor who was not exactly a household name in Schenectady, NY.
     I think this desire was always a part of me although it was greatly enhanced once I started going to school.  I immediately learned that the world was not all puppies and coloring books once I had to mingle with the general population on a daily basis.  I went to an alternative school up until 4th grade and even so the kids were beyond cruel.  They hurled a barrage of nasty words at me that I had never, ever heard before and it was shocking and very upsetting.  I was different simply because I didn't like or know a damn thing about sports and my friends were mostly girls.  That shit ain't cool to red-blooded, suburban boys at all.  I understood quickly that I didn't fit in and that I had to get outta Dodge ASAP.
     To this day I get stressed out and bogged down by the mundane.  Dealing with taxes, and bills, and insurance companies and all the unnecessarily annoying and complicated red-tape that the modern world procures.  I cannot even begin to tell you of the absurdity that I am dealing with as the result of my car accident.  It's been 6 weeks and not only is there no resolution in sight it's like the whole process is inside out and moving backwards.  Six weeks in Los Angeles with no car is like being lost in a desert with no water and racing toward mirages that evaporate as soon as you approach.  It ain't easy! These corporate types and insurance brokers are making me feel like I'm in 2nd grade again, it's like talking to 6 year olds.
     Thankfully, I have surrounded myself with beautiful, creative people who think and live outside of the box.  I don't understand the ways of the world and quite frankly I do not wish to.  I do not want to lower myself to the level where something like an insurance claim makes perfect sense to me.  NO THANK YOU.  I will stay up here in the glowing ether blowing kisses in the wind whilst dressed in my finest evening splendor like Marilyn Monroe standing over that subway grate in The Seven Year Itch.  Furthermore, I will flick my cigarette in the face of the insurance companies and tell them to go where the sun don't shine like Bette Davis on any given day.

Crash

Join the car crash set

In life you never know what may hit you. Usually, one is speaking metaphorically in this way yet, unfortunately, I am speaking quite literally. Driving home from shopping on Feb. 13th I was hit, hard in my newly refurbished, sweet, vintage car by a woman backing out of her driveway in a rather posh neighborhood.  For a split second I had no idea what happened - did I hit someone, did a tree fall on me, was there an earthquake?  When my car came to a stop I realized I had been hit.  I stepped out of my car afraid to see the damage and totally shaken up.  The car was a mess.
     The woman was leaving her own house but she was driving a friend's car.  I didn't think much of itat the time but this alone has caused a world of complications and stress.  I wasn't too badly hurt - no broken limbs or blood but I do need a full year of chiropractic care since my neck and back got wrenched and are both really stiff and sore.  I already had to get a lawyer because of the issues with 3 separate insurance companies and they are claiming it's my fault even though anyone looking at my car can clearly see from the angle of the damage that I was hit.  It's pretty much a nightmare and I've been really stressed out despite trying to keep my blessings in plain sight.  Try living a busy life in LA without a car, it ain't easy.  I'm hoping any day now my lawyer will sort this out and get them to issue me a rental car.
     It's funny when shit hits the fan I always tend to default to the "I am not equipped to handle this mode" but, as it turns out, I did all the right things given my lack of experience in such matters.  I mean, who the hell really wants to be an expert in maneuvering around a terrible car accident?!  My chiropractor is amazing and going to him is the only thing that actually alleviates my uncomfortability but it take me an hour each way to get to him - please note he's 12 miles away and that's how rotten LA traffic is at any given moment.  So, I have a long haul in front of me since I need a full year of treatment to get well again.  Hopefully, I will have my own wheels again soon so I don't go mad trying to get around.  Oh, and to add to the Hollywood-ness of this event the driver just happens to be the wife of a very famous TV actor.  Only in LA.
     I had set out that day with the most unselfish of intentions.  I was going out to buy a Valentine's Day gift for my honey and I was so excited because, as usual, I found the most perfect thing.  So many things ran through my mind like why did I turn on that street, why did I change my mind about the store I chose to go to, and why did I even bother leaving the house?  Of course, these are things that are all way beyond my control and the "what ifs" can literally drive you crazy if you let them.  If only in the immortal words of Cher I could turn back time - yeah, yeah, yeah I'm gay, so sue me.  Actually, don't I'll be doing the suing this time.
     On the other side of all this hassle and annoyance is the fact that I'm still in one piece as is the other driver.  No one was in the car with me for surely if they were they'd be much more hurt than I was.  I still have my happy house with my beautiful boyfriend and my 2 little doggies and all of them love me a lot.  That's all that really matters right?  Love.  Don't all the best songs and poetry tell us that?!  I guess it's human to have deal with this kind of shit especially in this modern world.  Sometimes I wish I could simply be an emotionless robot that is incapable of computing stress and feeling - sure would be easier not to mention the never having to go to the bathroom thing.  Alas, I am what I am and if I was a less emotional sort my stories wouldn't be as entertaining.