Dreams

Stevie Nicks singing "Gold Dust Woman," Forum, 11/29

Fleetwood Mac is a huge part of the soundtrack of my youth. Their music is woven into the fabric that makes up the tapestry of my life. I didn't "discover" Fleetwood Mac on my own they were ubiquitous in the 1970's - you couldn't go anywhere without hearing them and because of that the songs are engrained in my psyche. Of course, they were one of the bands that I rejected in my teen years after discovering punk and alternative music.  In my late 20's they again became part of my soundtrack when I summered with friends every year in Fire Island - we played them non-stop and it was perfect, again (or still, actually.)
     I was lucky enough to attend their most recent tour "On With The Show" last weekend.  I had actually never seen them before and this tour, in particular, seemed like the tour to witness with the return (after a 16 year absence) of Christine McVie.  I was right in assuming that it would be amazing and after they opened with "The Chain" I knew we were in for a fun ride. They followed that up with "You Make Loving Fun," & "Dreams" and proceeded to roll out hit after hit until the final encore.  Earlier I had said that Kate Bush was the last living music icon on my list of people I had never seen live - until this year, that is.  Fleetwood Mac (Stevie in particularly) was also worthy of that list but like I said earlier they have always just been there, I didn't have to seek them out and "discover" them unlike Kate Bush.  I mean, they are certainly worthy of all their lasting fame and adoration but I just didn't relize how friggin' excited I'd be to finally see them.  
     After the 2nd song I decided that Christine McVie is the Helen Mirren of rock.  She's graceful, elegant, timeless and still sounds exactly like she did on all the albums. I can't imagine seeing them without her and I'm glad I didn't.  Of course, Stevie Nicks is the superstar of the group.  Let's face it, all your fav Fleetwood songs were penned by her and without her addition the band would never have gone on to sell 45 million copies of "Rumous."  Stevie can't quite hit those high notes anymore but we still love her and forgive her because we all know her whole story and it's shocking that she's still standing let alone performing at all (lord knows I relate 100%.)  Plus, she's adorable and I love that she's graduated to only wearing all black now.
      Stevie told a great story about how her and Lindsey (pre-Fleetwood) started having some success musically and were lucky to open for so many legends like Jimi Hendrix (in front of an audience of 70,000,) Janis Joplin (30,000,) The Eagles, Chicago - the list goes on.  She said she had started to make a little money for the 1st time, she saved a few months pay and was so excited to finally go to the legendary San Francisco store The Velvet Underground.  She walked in and onto the floor that was painted in a beautiful way that she said she has never seen the likes of since & she was in awe of all the gorgeous clothes - she still couldn't afford to buy a thing.  She had what she calls a "future premonition" while in the store and she saw herself not only shopping there soon but never having to look at a price tag again. She was, of course, correct and she said the point of her story wasn't to boast but to let us all know to never stop following our dreams and to never, ever listen to anyone that tells us that we can't do what you want to in life! This was obviously the introduction to "Gypsy" which, I'm certain, is on most people's Top 5 Fleetwood Mac Songs list. 

So I'm back to the velvet underground

Back to the floor that I love

To a room with some lace and paper flowers

Back to the gypsy that I was 

Beside the show the people watching was amazing!  It's nice to go to a concert where I actually feel young in the crowd, nowadays when I see bands I'm fully aware that I could be most people's dads or even (gasp) granddads.  I'd say he median age for this event was 65, give or take several decades.  Before the show we were in the newly renovated Forum Club for a pre-show soiree that included a photographically decorated cake featuring the whole band and a buffet style spread.  I was telling my friends a story about this fun & weird Kiss show I had seen years ago in NYC, Kiss is 3D (aren't all concerts "3D?".)  Just as I finished my story my friend taps me on the shoulder and points and who of all people is standing & waiting in line for a loose meat sandwich (please tell me you get the joke?) - Paul Stanley, of course!  There was also an woman who bore a striking resemblance both physically and fashionably to Barbra Streisand, decked out in many shades of beige.

     Fleetwood Mac played for nearly 3 hours and did every single one of their hits except "Sara."  Even before the 1st encore I was having a hard time imaging what they had left to do but with 40+ year career  I guess it would be impossible for them to run out of songs.  The final encore was "Songbird" which Christine McVie performed alone with a piano.  It was quite a treat knowing that they hadn't done that song in at least 16 years.  In that moment though I was thinking that it was odd that Christie would have the final word of such a momentous show.  Well, as soon as she was done signing and exiting the stage Miss Nicks sauntered back out (there it is) onto center stage to tell one final story to close the night.  She said that that has always been her thing in Fleetwood Mac, coming out to say the final goodbye and leave us with some parting words.  Her story was cute and funny and happened to be about Christine but it doesn't take Dr. Freud to understand that Stevie was not about to be upstaged by anyone.  Makes me love her even more, actually - gotta have a little bit of a bitch inside to get that far in life.

Gratitude

Throwback Thursday - me in 1976

The law of attraction is whatever you put out into the world comes back to you.  It's similar to Karma and other such spiritual beliefs.  It also means that what you focus on grows (insert sexual joke here) so your mood has a lot to do with your circumstances.  At the beginning of the summer when I was having a rough time due, mostly, to my broken engagement I kept saying out loud that I felt like I was drowning.  I had this distinct image of myself in my brain of my body suspended in liquid, limbs akimbo like those haunting scenes in "Under The Skin."  I couldn't figure out why I couldn't shake the feeling.  Now, looking back I realize that I was manifesting and perpetuating it.  Thinking about myself not doing well was part of the cause of my not doing well.  Nearly impossible to realize this as it's happening though.
     Last month I was talking to one of my best friends, Theo, on the phone and I was saying how this year had been so terrible.  She astutely and positively said that there was still time to turn it around.  My reaction was not one of the glass-half-full mentality and I quickly shot down that notion.  Something happened later that week though and I decided to take some action to make things happen in my life.  I wasn't necessarily trying to change my mood but I thought I had better change my circumstances before I create a real shit storm in my life.
     At the time I didn't know what was going to happen with my job at High Voltage Tattoo so with the encouragement of another great friend of mine I sat down to write a resume and apply for this job at an art gallery.  I don't know about you but the idea of writing a resume and cover letter and applying for a job makes me want to crawl into the corner in a fetal position and rock myself to sleep in tears.  I'm just not cut out for that kind of thing and I also sell myself short thinking I have no skills to mention (insert another sexual joke here), at least on paper.  I finally just bit the bullet and did it and, guess what?  It was not only pretty easy to do but I realized that I have a ton of experience doing all kinds of things and I'm highly employable and maybe even desirable to possible employers.  I completed a task I set out for myself and I sent out the email with both a kick-ass cover letter and my new resume.  It felt awesome to do.
     I was fully aware in that moment that it didn't even matter if I got the job I was applying for because I know that when I get into the mode of sending forth productive energy into the universe that somehow it will come back to me - usually in a way I was not expecting.  That's pretty much how I ended up working at High Voltage in the 1st place.  A few days after I did that we found out that we were approved to open High Voltage again temporally next door in our Wonderland Galley space so I didn't even need to continue looking for work.  I also got a call out of the blue from SAG about some money possibly owed to me for a commercial job I did 2 years ago saying that they had finally settled the case and I should be receiving a pretty decent check before the holidays ( go union!!)
     It's hard to feel grateful when the shit hits the fan but, of course, it's the only way to get back on your feet in a timely manner.  You have to actually feel your emotions before you can move on from them and sadness and anger are necessary to acknowledge and accept.  The famous saying goes that "pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."  All you have to do to feel OK about your life is to actually look around the streets or turn on any news station.  I know that I am truly blessed even though I don't own a mansion and a yacht.  Happy Thanksgiving.

Rock-N-Roll With Me

Rob Zombie tour bus, Chicago 2014

A few months ago I woke up to an amazing text from my friend.  He was asking if I'd be willing to fly to Chicago to attend his wife's (also my friend) surprise birthday party.  I mean, you don't have to twist my arm to except an offer like that so I texted back an emphatic YES!! It was also perfect timing because the birthday soiree was taking place the week after I was returning from the Kate Bush show in London.  Just when I was thinking that there couldn't possibly be any other exciting adventures after that doozy - BAM! - another awesome plan in the works to alleviate the come down from Kate Bush.
     There are moments in life when the timing of things all line up and work out perfectly.  It makes up for all those other moments when you just can't seem to make anything work out at all.  Well, this trip to Chicago made up for all those other moments in the biggest and bestest way.  Turns out that a David Bowie exhibit was opening at the MCA that very week that I was flying out there.  The exhibit "David Bowie Is" had traveled all over the world and was only making 1 stop (ONE STOP!!!) in the USA and it just so happens that stop is Chicago.  Fortune was shining it's golden light upon me and melting away all the other dark shit from this tumultuous year!  What could be more amazing than an entire exhibit of everything Bowie, short of a time machine to take me back to 1974 to attend the "Diamond Dogs" tour??
     It was absolute perfection.  My friend Allison and I flew to Chicago on Thursday morning.  We checked into our hotel, took a short nap and then got all gussied up for the birthday bash.  At dinner we all decided that we HAD to go to the Bowie exhibit the next day so we all got up and met in the morning and walked over to the museum and proceeded to be inundated with the magic that is Bowie.  Not only did all that work out so well it also so happened that the Chicago airport was closed on Friday for a full 24 hours due to a fire at the air traffic controller's tower and thousands of flights were cancelled and a jillion people were stranded.  Had our plans been 1 day off we never would have made it on this trip.  For once the gods were laughing WITH us and not AT us.

Outide "David Bowie Is" at the MCA, Chicgao

   After the exhibit we went to lunch then all piled on the tour bus to go to the opening night of Rob Zombie's Great American Nightmare.  We got to have a preview of all the mazes with the lights on and before all the ghouls and goblins had taken their places in the catacombs to scare the living beejeebus outta us.  It was really awesome to actually get to look at the mazes and all the intricate detail that went into designing them and making them so creepy, gross and cool.  Of course, the evening ended with a kick-ass Rob Zombie concert to boot!!  We packed so much into this awesome weekend it was an absolute rock-n-roll extravaganza.
     The next day we went to the airport and even after that crazy, 24 hour debacle our flight was on time and we actually got back to LA without a hitch.  Being surrounded by great friends, great art and rock-and-roll is a sure fire cure for any blues one may be carrying around inside.   I dare you to go to an entire exhibit of David Bowie and not walk away inspired and energized.

    Gentle hearts are counted down

The queue is out of sight and out of sounds

Me, I'm out of breath, but not quite doubting 

I've found a door which lets me out!

     

Halloween

A sample of my famous holiday cards

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday.  For as long as I can remember I have always loved dressing up.  Way before I had access to, or they sold cool clothes in suburban malls I always put looks together that were not necessarily popular but undeniably me.  The older I got the more I realized that I could dress up any time and on any day I chose - not just one holiday a year.

     In my mind the holiday season has always begun in October.  1st, there's my birthday on Oct.26th.  Then, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanza, and, finally, New Year's Eve.  As a child it was always exciting because it meant lots of time off from dreadful school, dressing up, and, of course, gifts!!  To this day I get excited when autumn approaches even though it's really hard to tell when that is with LA weather.  My mom always made or helped me make my costumes and I have continued the tradition by always creating my own looks.  As a really young child I was a clown, a tiger, a native American Indian, Darth Vader (with a tin foil chest panel), Fozzy Bear and a banana - not necessarily in that order.  Recently, I have been a Chic Sheik, a Cockette, dead Marc Bolan, Frida Kahlo, a harpy, Death by Disco (with a broken disco ball on my head) and a witch.

     One of my gorgeous friends named Alicia has a birthday that is actually on Halloween day.  As a child I was always so jealous of people born on that day but now I realize that Halloween adjacent is pretty good as well.  Alicia, known to most as Trani because that is her actual last name, would always have a big, themed birthday party on Halloween.  One year the theme was The Shining.  Now, there aren't really a tremendous amount of characters in that film and the most glamorous costume option would have been the twins but, obviously, that takes 2 to tango.  I walked around my neighborhood in the East Village of NYC to find some inspiration.  Lo and behold I found the most amazing vintage Shriner outfit complete with fez and whistle and an awesome jacket with braided epaulets.  I decided that would be perfect - surely a shriner had stayed in The Overlook Hotel in all it's illustrious past - I decided that there had to have been a Shriner convention there at one point.

     Part of my attraction to Halloween is the dark side of it - the celebration of all things spooky and spine tingling which I have always thought was super glamorous.  There's nothing more romantic that the whole Dracula story - sure beats the pants off Romeo & Juliet.  I mean, let's see - eternal life or double suicide? Hmmm...So, I decided my Shriner had to be dead to add to the creep factor so I went out and got a bunch of theatrical make up and some silicone to make myself a bullet hole in the center of my forehead.  The make up came out so great that it was hard for people to talk to me for too long because it was so realistic.  I even had 2 perfect streams of blood trickling down either side of my big nose that slowly crept down my face until they were dangling off my chin 2 inches.  That theatrical blood is really thick and lasts all night.

     At one point Alicia made a joke that I should take a photo of myself and make it my Xmas card since it would be so highly inappropriate.  At that moment a really large light bulb went off in my brain and I though I absolutely, 100% am doing that for sure!  In that very moment my own delightfully twisted tradition was born and I have been doing it ever since - at least 12 years now and since my sense of time is so shit it's probably been way more.  I alter between holidays for the theme of the card depending on how Jew-y I look - Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah even Kwanza once and when I was Frida Kahlo I finally did a Feliz Navidad card.  This year I dressed up twice so we shall see what the theme is for 2014 - whatever it is it will be a glittery one.  Pretty sure I will still have some glitter on my face well into 2015.  It's like I'm dating a stripper except the stripper is me.

Chic Sheik, Halloween, 2014

     

High Voltage

Many of you probably already have heard the terrible news that my beautiful home away from home High Voltage Tattoo caught on fire at 4am on Thursday morning.  I had closed up the shop on Wed night around 10:30, turned off all the lights, had one last look then set the alarm and locked the door. All was peaceful and calm and, I assumed, I'd be back in the morning to do it all again.  That's not quite how it went down.  I had slept a little later than usual since I closed the night before and caught up on all my work so I thought I'd saunter in a tad later than usual.  When I woke up and checked my phone I had 14 missed calls from a bunch of my co-workers and I knew something was up.  When I got Adrienne on the phone she sounded very somber and said "you haven't heard?" what she said next floored me.  High Voltage had burned down.  Stunned.  Paralyzed.  In shock.

     I got up and went over there as fast as I could and it was all really happening, this was a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.  The fire started in the back corner of Kat's beautiful office in an area that there really isn't much going on.  It had to be some kind of electrical thing but whatever it was the fire consumed the whole back wall of the shop and even burned a hole clean through the ceiling so you could see the sky from inside Kat's office.  The 1st thing I noticed when I entered the parking lot was the beautiful and charred frame of what was once a gorgeous Kevin Llewellyn painting - an piece of art that I looked at almost daily for many years and was so engrained in the visual landscape of the shop that I never in a million years would have thought it would be gone.  The silver lining here is that no one was hurt since it was 4am.  I absolutely have to look for positive things to grab onto like a giant bouquet of helium balloons that will lift me outta the charred remains of so much love and labour lost.

     I somberly walked through the darkened shop and it was eerie, depressing and felt like a toxic wasteland.  Everything was covered in soot and smoke damage, there were puddles on the floor and the outlines of all the art and guitars on the walls from where the fire fighters had removed them.  Kat's office is pretty much destroyed but the rest of the shop is structurally in tact albeit visually ruined.  It was both better and worse than I had imagined if that makes any sense.  When I heard that HVT had burned down I assumed the entire building was gone.  When I heard it was just the back I naively assumed that the main shop would be untouched - I hadn't accounted for all the water and soot.  Luckily, this is my 1st and hopefully last experience with fires.

     High Voltage has been much more than a job to me these past 6 + years.  The people I work with are much more than co-woekers, they are family.  We have all been so blessed to work and hang out in an environment that is so cool and unique.  Kat, no matter how the salacious media portrays her, is one of the most generous and talented people I have ever met in my life.  The shop is her baby, her life and you can tell when you walk in that all her blood, sweat, tears and love have gone into every piece of it.  The 1st comment most people make about the shop when they walk in is about how freaking beautiful it is and how different from a typical tattoo shop.  Kat sees things in a different way from most people - she is creativity incarnate and she gazes at the world with an artist's eye.  Even the way she takes an Instagram picture is on another level than most.  It is the most heartbreaking thinking about how she must feel during this ordeal.

     I never knew I'd end up working in a tattoo shop - especially one that was on TV.  When I walked into that door for the 1st time many years ago I felt pretty at home.  I had no idea what to expect the day I met Kat but stepping into her office for the 1st time I knew immediately that the person who created it was bad ass and that she was one of my peeps.  I also do not know what comes next.  I'm sure Kat will rebuild ASAP, could take weeks, could take months.  I'm still a bit in shock and on top of all that has gone down this week it is also my BDay today which, for me, is always a time of intense reelection.  Must be a scorpio thing.

     What I do know for sure is that these past years at High Voltage have been amazing and magical and I have made some of the greatest friends ever through working there.  I have made a big, extended family and for an only child that is kind of a big deal.  I certainly hope that HVT is back up and running really soon and is bolder and better than before.  Until then...?

Trust

Dance Around The Dove Of Peace, Picasso, 1961

Dr. Maya Angelou said “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”  I'd like to add that oftentimes people will tell you who they think they are or who they wish they were and, unfortunately, it is usually the opposite that is true.  People say "I'm loyal," "I'm trustworthy," "I'm honest," "I'm not a dick" and sometimes they say such things because they aspire to be that or because they think that you want to hear those words.  The people that really are all those things would never state it because they just are IT.  People that are walking the walk do not need to talk the talk the proof of who they are is in their actions.
     I met someone recently that I was instantly smitten with and we seemed to have an amazing energy and connection together.  We started hanging out and it immediately became a very regular occurrence.  I wish I had seen the whole scenario for what it really was which was simply an animal attraction, a sexual magnetism.  After all, we met on a gay hook-up app (yes, the gays have thought of everything when it comes to sex) and barely even knew each other's names before we we having a naked romp.  I broke one of my own main rules which is to never date someone that I met under such circumstances.  I mean, you never know when or where you will meet someone and have a connection but I wish to believe that the things that last usually come form something more orgainc than an iPhone ap.  The problem was he seemed to be instigating, or encouraging the whole "relationship" as much as I was.
     It was actually super fun at 1st and it really served to get me out of the sadness and hopelessness I was feeling from my major break-up with my fiancé a few months back.  I suppose the dictionary term for the whole thing would be "rebound" but love can surprise you by jumping out of any corner you may pass in life so I went for it.  The problem is that I wasn't listening to my insides which were screaming messages to me like some wailing Judas Priest song.  It felt too good to be true which always means it is and also it was making me crazy.  It became one of those scenarios where I was a total basket case until I got a call or text from him and when I did it was like the opium had set in and all was peaceful and calm.  But a drugged out peaceful and calm which, essentially, is fake.  All of that had nothing to do with him at all and 100% to do with me and my insides.  I was doing that alcoholic thing of expecting an outside source to make my insides feel OK.  That is never OK and never healthy and, ultimately, leaves me feeling more empty.  Those crazy "I-can't-function-without-you" feelings come from trying to force something to be something that it is not.  It's an emotional square peg round hole moment.
   Obviously, it all had to end and even if it wasn't him that actually said the words I would have eventually realized that I was poisoning myself and it was bound for disaster.  I'm more disappointed in me for letting myself go to that place that I hadn't been in years.  For not trusting my own gut and thus becoming suspicious and paranoid.  When I met my ex there was none of that craziness it just flowed and I figured I had finally found out what love really is - gentle and easy.   Hopefully, there is a middle ground between exploding fireworks and trains going off the rails through dark tunnels at 1000 mph and gentle, easy, breezy, beautiful romance.  Maybe there is someone out there that makes my heart skip a beat but also allows me to just be me in a loving and calm way.  I know that when all those weird insecurities and uncertainties start to bubble up it is usually a red flag and that's when acknowledging and actually listening to my inner voice becomes essential.
    People will always show you who they are but we also show ourselves and we always know deep down what is right and wrong for us.  The trick is to actually take the time to listen.  I suppose that's what I really need to do right here, right now is listen...

Moments Of Pleasure

Me outside The Hammersmith for Kate Bush on 9/16/14

There are moments, events in life that are so magical, so special that it seems the stars are actually shining down on you, the moon is actually in the seventh house and that Jupiter has actually aligned with Mars.  These moments make you fully and completely aware that there is something much bigger and more powerful than us mere mortals in charge.  These moments let you look into the face of God (if that's what you wish to call it) and make you truly believe in miracles.  I experienced such a moment on 9/16/14 when I had the privilege of seeing Kate Bush live in London.
     I bought my 1st Kate Bush record in 1985 and ever since that day I have dreamed of seeing her perform.  In fact, there really isn't any other living artist left on my list of  "must-see-before-I-die."  I'd literally seen all of my idols, heros, & icons except for her and, it seemed, like that would never be a possibility. The fact that she decided to do this series of shows after a 35 year absence from the stage is what inspired this blog in the 1st place.  Miraculously, I scored 2 tickets and my friend Linda from NYC excitedly agreed to make the pilgrimage to London with me.  Linda and I have been to many shows together since we met in 1992 and a lot of them inspire awe and envy when I tell people about them.  For instance, Linda got us tickets to see The Dead Can Dance at Town Hall in NYC in 1993 and we had front row center seats - it was pretty incredible.
     We were both so nervous the evening of the show that we arrived at the venue before 6pm and doors didn't even open until 6:15pm.  I mean, who ever arrives at a gig for doors opening?  Well, apparently, a lot of people for this special night because there was already a line out front & we were hardly the people that traveled the furthest. There were so many people from all over the world who like us, flew to London just for this show.  After maneuvering through the throngs at the merch counter we finally made our way to our seats and we both almost cried when we realized we were 2nd row, center. The 2nd best seats we had ever had! I knew the seats were good but what I didn't know is that they extended the stage and in doing so had removed the front 3 rows leaving us in the 2nd row. It was miraculous to say the least and perhaps it was some great reward for waiting 3 decades for that moment!
     When the show started Kate came onto the stage wearing all black, slowly, measuredly marching followed by a procession of singers/performers to the thunderous applause of an immediate full-house standing ovation. When she reached the center of the stage she faced the audience, smiled and outstretched her arms as if she were simultaneously hugging and receiving the love from the audience.  This was the 1st moment the tears started to flow and I'm assuming if I had turned around I wouldn't have seen a dry eye in the house. She was like a magical, lovable, earth-mother, witch and I wanted to leap onto the stage and squeeze her and never let go.  Of course, I'm not that crazy & not at all stalker-y so I stayed put but I practically could have reached out and touched her due to the proximity of our seats.  Thus began one of the most incredible, unique and profoundly, well,  Kate Bush-y performances I have ever seen.
     It would take far too many words to describe the entire show but I will say that not only did it not disappoint, it far surpassed what I had expected. It was music, theater, film, performance, poetry, magic - it was art at its purest and most complete form.  Her voice was incredible - strong, powerful, vulnerable, and chill inducing.  I cried no less than 4 times.  At the expected moments - "Running Up That Hill," & "Cloudbusting," but also during songs that have never before elicited that reaction - "Top Of The City," "Hello Earth" & "Nocturn."  She performed the entire 2nd side of her "Hounds of Love" album which has its own title - "The Ninth Wave."  It's a chilling, spooky, sad & joyous journey into the dark night of the soul and it sounds like theater, like a Greek tragedy set in the delirious mind of a drowning woman, it was always meant to be performed.
     When the interval (that's UK for intermission) started the show could easily have come to a complete end. Already at about 2 hours long had it ended there the entire, mesmerized audience would have gone home feeling fulfilled and complete yet there was still a whole other section coming that was over an hour long! Again, magic!  As if the show weren't enough there was another miraculous moment that took place.  Before the show Linda & I were reminiscing about all the enviable gigs we had been to together and for some reason she told me she'd never seen Annie Lennox live and would love to.  I told her about seeing the Eurythimcs in 1986 and also how I had seen Annie at The Apollo Theater in Harlem in 2003.  I told her about how the night at the Apollo had the most celebrities I had ever seen in attendance at a show and I wondered what other legendary musicians were coming to see Kate Bush?  Linda went to use the restroom and when she was returning to our seats it was obvious by her body language and demeanor that something incredible had happened.  Well, of course, it was Annie Lennox!!!!  She was in line in front of her for the ladies room looking gorgeous, radiant and ageless. The funniest part is that we had much better seats than she did.
     I'm trying my best to carry the beautiful energy and love from that show inside of me and to radiate it back out into the world - it was such an unbelievable experience that I want to hold it near and dear to my heart forever.  I doubt that anything will ever surpass that moment but then again I had no idea a moment like that would ever actually happen in my life.  I know for sure there will be more magic, more moments of pleasure, more music - there will probably be no more Kate Bush shows in store for me though.  When people ask me how the show was I say we went on a pilgrimage to find god and succeeded!