Ten - Thirteen

NYE 2014 - 2015

Ten years ago yesterday I moved to LA from NYC.  That also means that in 2 days, if all goes well, I will be sober for 13 years.  Those are pretty decent sized numbers if you ask me.  For about 8 years I was saying that I lived in LA for 5 years until I realized that I had been spouting that fact for at least 4 years running.  I'm not great at math but I came to the conclusion that I had been here longer than it seemed.  Sometimes I feel as if I just got here and it definitely does not feel like a decade has passed.

     I had been mulling over the prospect of "go west young man" for a few years but I just couldn't decide.  I asked other people what they thought and no one else had any satisfying answers either.  I waited until I had been sober for several years before I decided to uproot my life and go to the furthest coast away from the East Village.  It's suggested that you don't make any radical decisions in the 1st year of recovery because it's simple too overwhelming, stress inducing and, often, can trigger relapse.  Because of that I stayed working as a bar tender 5 nights a week while I was a newcomer to recovery.  The weird thing is that I became the best bar tender ever because all of the sudden I was focused on my job and concentrating on making money for the club and myself and not distracted by partying behind the bar.  Funny how things work.

     Once I made the firm decision in my mind that I was "Hollywood or bust" it seems that all of these doors magically unlocked.  The whole time I was hemming and hawing all of my plans and ideas seemed hazy but the moment I decided for sure doors sprang open.  A friend contacted me out of the blue because he had been traveling for over a year and was coming back to NYC in Jan. with just a backpack and no other belongings.  He needed a place to stay and I just happened to be leaving my apartment fully furnished.  Perfect.  

     Then, I had decided I should take an acting class in LA but the task of finding a good one seemed insurmountable.  One day I was out and about on a snowy, NYC afternoon and I stopped at one of my favorite places for lunch.  I heard a woman talking and her voice was instantly recognizable.  It was my Grandma's friend Jean-Ann who has a very distinctive, bold, boisterous, NY voice.  I approached her table and was going to ask if she remembered me (hadn't seen her in a decade) and she immediately looked up and proclaimed "Gregory!"  She said my grandma had mentioned my plans to relocate and then for no apparent reason I said I was going to look for an acting class.  Well, lo and behold her sister Robin was a working actress in LA who, it just so happened, was starting an acting class in the new year (2005).  She said I would love Robin because they had similar personalities and I always loved Jean-Ann!!!  Again, crazy how stuff works out. 

     To be quite frank I moved to LA because I wanted to be on TV.  I mean, I had already appeared in a national Always Panty Liners (no joke) commercial and played a - wait for it...junkie on "Law & Order: Criminal Intent."  But, I wanted to do a lot more of that.  I easily signed with an agent out here because, like I said, things were all falling into place and I started booking more national commercials.  Most of you already know the story but a few years later seemingly out of the blue I got a call to come meet Kat Von D ASAP to discuss the possibility of being the new shop manager on LA Ink.  Of course, that's exactly what I did and there it was - I was on TV regularly and it was tons of fun for a while.

     Now, it's a new year and I realize that I haven't set any new goals for myself lately.  Looking back it seems like most of the goals that I did set came true in one way or another.  The thing about making goals, writing them down, saying then out load, shouting them to the universe is that most often they do materialize!!  They usually don't happen in the manner or time frame in which you expect though which is why its important to keep expectations in check.  You absolutely can create the magic that you desire in your life and be the alchemist of your own destiny.

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

New Year!

Street walking cheetah.

Twenty fourteen has definetely been a roller coaster ride to say the least.  My drama-queen, only-child, alcoholic, Scorpio self wants to believe it was the worst year of my life.  That's not exactly true. So I went through a break-up,  boohoo.   I'm not the 1st and certainly not the last person on earth to have such an experience.  I got over it.
     I've always had this knowledge in my mind that love is not available to me.  I don't mean this in a woe-as-me kind of way. What I mean is that as a child, feeling and knowing that I was different from most people I got many clear cut messages from society that who and what I am was wrong.   Things that are unsaid are actually worse and more hurtful than things that are said out loud.  So, as a young gay boy in suburbia there were absolutely no positive role models for me.  There were a few obviously gay clowns that epitomized the hyper-flamboyant type of gay in the media but no one that I wholeheartedly related to.
     Even the most outrageously girly rocks bands like Duran Duran & Motley Crüe turned out to be all hetero. Thier style was just surface it wasn't dictated by sexuality. Then came Boy George and the regular world had never seen anything like that before.  The big question everyone always had was "is that a boy or girl?" Not only did I never question that I always wondered why anyone cared.  I thought he was beautiful but it was too embarrassing for the fruity, gay boy to admit he liked him.
     For these reasonss I never, ever imagined myself in love or with anyone romantically let alone getting married.  I understood that society didn't believe in gay love so I internalized this knowledge and locked it away deep inside myself.  I honestly believed this was true for a long, long time.  I turned 44 in October and my previous relationship was the longest (4.5 years) of my life - by 4 years!!!  It took a lot of deep, discovery and work to dispel my own false beliefs.
     I don't regret any of it.  In fact, I learned so much about myself in that time and we did a lot of amazing things together.  Mainly, I learned that I'm capable of a long-term, romantic relationship. This one wasn't meant to be and I'm not so sure any relationship is meant to be forever.  Forever doesn't exist, nothing lasts forever our time here is fleeting.  Perhaps this last one was practice for something super fabulous that's coming next?  Or, maybe, that was my big long-term relationship for this lifetime?  It doesn't really matter either way, if I stay in the present and don't project some prearranged future onto myself then all is fine and dandy.
      I had some of the best experiences of my life in 2014 as well - thus, contradicting my false drama-queen exaggerations.  I saw friggin Kate Bush, in London! A lifelong dream come true - I have the pictures to prove it.  I saw the David Bowie Is exhibit in Chicago during a trip generously planned by an amazing friend of mine.  I saw the original line-up of Fleetwood Mac.  I attended 2 glorious weddings that were both the sweetest testimonies of love.  I also had 2 fabulous trips to Palm Springs this year also generously planned by another amazing friend who spoiled me rotten.
     The good really does outweigh the bad and if you really look closely the bad isn't even bad at all.  After enough time passes you realize that even the most painful experiences are lessons taught and they are necessary for the next leg of your journey.  Bring it on 2015 - I'm gonna have a fabulous time in you!

Hollywood

Liz Taylor, 1967 w/her Ocasr for 'Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf.'"

I had barely lived in Hollywood for a month when I found out I would be attending Elton John's famous Oscar party.  My amazing friend Sammy Jo, who we lovingly refer to as Pickles (all my NYC friends have multiple nicknames,) was DJing and our other friend's band The Scissor Sisters were performing.  I was super excited to say the least.
     At this point, in the beginning of 2005, I only had 1 job on 1 night of the week bar tending at my friend Mario's party called Hot Dog.  It was at a now long gone club called The Parlour Club that had a very New York-y feel to it. The party was a hoot but bar tending in LA was not quite the same as NYC.  If I made $500 a shift in NY that would've been a slow night, out here I was lucky to take home $150.
     On Oscar Sunday I had taken all the money I had and went to the grocery store, my mind reeling with my fabulous, ensuing evening plans.  All I could think about was my outfit for the soiree my wardrobe spinning around in my head like those racks at the dry cleaners as I was imagining possible clothing combos.  I put my groceries in the trunk, returned the cart to the rack and started to drive off.  I got to the edge of the parking lot when I realized I had left my wallet in the shopping cart.  I doubled back, parked and ran out of my car but the 3 minutes I had been gone was long enough for some nice citizen to abscond with my wallet and ALL the money I had to my name.  The panic set in - mainly because I figured I needed my ID to get into the party.
     I spent a few hours in the woe-is-me department and then the absurdity of the situation set in and I had to laugh.  That's so me - losing all my possessions in the morning, partying with movie stars in the evening.  I got all gussied up and made my way to The Pacific Design Center where there were huge, white circus tents set up to hold the bash.  Turns out all my panic was for nought (as it always is) because I didn't need any ID at all to get it, in fact, it was surprising easy to sashay right inside.  I guess I looked the part with my bow-tie on.
     I found my friends but they were all running around getting set up for the show and DJing so I was basically flying solo.  I walked around a bit in awe of the magnitude of the glamour.  This place was chock full of sequin ball gowns and movie stars - everyone was dressed to the nines.  Then the best thing happened.  I looked over at the bar and saw Chi Chi (pronounced She She) LaRue, famous drag queen and also gay porn film director.  We knew each other so I went up and said hello.  She immediately grabbed me by the hand and said "c'mon, let's go meet some celebs!"
     Well, if a 6'5 drag queen isn't the best ice-breaker I don't know what is.  We marched right up to Brooke Shields, Chi Chi grabbed her hand and bellowed "look at that rock!!" in reference to her huge ring.  Brooke cracked up and we chatted and then made our way through the whole crowd in the same manner.  85% of the people we approached were game the other 15% ran in terror - it was perfect.
     By now it was time for the band to go on so we moseyed over to the stage to watch the show.  We were dancing and having fun and the crowd was super into the music.  About 4 songs in I felt a commotion behind me.  I turned around and saw some huge, I mean linebacker huge, security guards barreling through the crowd and shoving people to the side like sparkly corn chips flying through the air.  The crowd parted like the Red Sea and then Elizabeth Taylor emerged being rolled through the room in a wheel chair.  I was stunned and in awe - this was the most legendary site of all time!  She was draped and bedecked with so much bling she made every rapper on earth look like a fool.  The rainbow prisms of light shooting off all of her diamonds were blinding.  I'm sure she was only in the wheel chair because she couldn't walk with that many karats of stones dangling off her frail frame.  It was like seeing a unicorn except there was a huge crowd around me to witness the event as well.
     At this point the entire audience now had their backs to the band and even though it felt like an eternity the whole scene probably only lasted a minute or 2.  They wheeled Miss Taylor to the very front banquette where, naturally, Elton and his then boyfriend, now husband were seated and she got out of the chair and sat at the table to watch the show.  It was an awesome thing to behold.  That is the 1st and last time I ever saw her off screen.
     All in all the night was beyond fabulous.  At the very end of the party I was hanging out with Sammy Jo and the band and we were sharing stories about all the crazy/amazing people we had met.  We were also looking through our gift bags which we all assumed would be major.  Well, the 1st thing I removed from the bag was a box of Barilla spaghetti.  Mind you, this was long before anyone in Hollywood had ever heard of gluten but, still, a very, very odd choice for a gift bag.  Since the annual party is an AIDS benefit I assume that Barilla was a sponsor which explained why there was so much broken and uncooked pasta strewn amongst the confetti and glitter on the floor.  I opted to keep my box in tact - after all, I had no money left for future groceries.

Dreams

Stevie Nicks singing "Gold Dust Woman," Forum, 11/29

Fleetwood Mac is a huge part of the soundtrack of my youth. Their music is woven into the fabric that makes up the tapestry of my life. I didn't "discover" Fleetwood Mac on my own they were ubiquitous in the 1970's - you couldn't go anywhere without hearing them and because of that the songs are engrained in my psyche. Of course, they were one of the bands that I rejected in my teen years after discovering punk and alternative music.  In my late 20's they again became part of my soundtrack when I summered with friends every year in Fire Island - we played them non-stop and it was perfect, again (or still, actually.)
     I was lucky enough to attend their most recent tour "On With The Show" last weekend.  I had actually never seen them before and this tour, in particular, seemed like the tour to witness with the return (after a 16 year absence) of Christine McVie.  I was right in assuming that it would be amazing and after they opened with "The Chain" I knew we were in for a fun ride. They followed that up with "You Make Loving Fun," & "Dreams" and proceeded to roll out hit after hit until the final encore.  Earlier I had said that Kate Bush was the last living music icon on my list of people I had never seen live - until this year, that is.  Fleetwood Mac (Stevie in particularly) was also worthy of that list but like I said earlier they have always just been there, I didn't have to seek them out and "discover" them unlike Kate Bush.  I mean, they are certainly worthy of all their lasting fame and adoration but I just didn't relize how friggin' excited I'd be to finally see them.  
     After the 2nd song I decided that Christine McVie is the Helen Mirren of rock.  She's graceful, elegant, timeless and still sounds exactly like she did on all the albums. I can't imagine seeing them without her and I'm glad I didn't.  Of course, Stevie Nicks is the superstar of the group.  Let's face it, all your fav Fleetwood songs were penned by her and without her addition the band would never have gone on to sell 45 million copies of "Rumous."  Stevie can't quite hit those high notes anymore but we still love her and forgive her because we all know her whole story and it's shocking that she's still standing let alone performing at all (lord knows I relate 100%.)  Plus, she's adorable and I love that she's graduated to only wearing all black now.
      Stevie told a great story about how her and Lindsey (pre-Fleetwood) started having some success musically and were lucky to open for so many legends like Jimi Hendrix (in front of an audience of 70,000,) Janis Joplin (30,000,) The Eagles, Chicago - the list goes on.  She said she had started to make a little money for the 1st time, she saved a few months pay and was so excited to finally go to the legendary San Francisco store The Velvet Underground.  She walked in and onto the floor that was painted in a beautiful way that she said she has never seen the likes of since & she was in awe of all the gorgeous clothes - she still couldn't afford to buy a thing.  She had what she calls a "future premonition" while in the store and she saw herself not only shopping there soon but never having to look at a price tag again. She was, of course, correct and she said the point of her story wasn't to boast but to let us all know to never stop following our dreams and to never, ever listen to anyone that tells us that we can't do what you want to in life! This was obviously the introduction to "Gypsy" which, I'm certain, is on most people's Top 5 Fleetwood Mac Songs list. 

So I'm back to the velvet underground

Back to the floor that I love

To a room with some lace and paper flowers

Back to the gypsy that I was 

Beside the show the people watching was amazing!  It's nice to go to a concert where I actually feel young in the crowd, nowadays when I see bands I'm fully aware that I could be most people's dads or even (gasp) granddads.  I'd say he median age for this event was 65, give or take several decades.  Before the show we were in the newly renovated Forum Club for a pre-show soiree that included a photographically decorated cake featuring the whole band and a buffet style spread.  I was telling my friends a story about this fun & weird Kiss show I had seen years ago in NYC, Kiss is 3D (aren't all concerts "3D?".)  Just as I finished my story my friend taps me on the shoulder and points and who of all people is standing & waiting in line for a loose meat sandwich (please tell me you get the joke?) - Paul Stanley, of course!  There was also an woman who bore a striking resemblance both physically and fashionably to Barbra Streisand, decked out in many shades of beige.

     Fleetwood Mac played for nearly 3 hours and did every single one of their hits except "Sara."  Even before the 1st encore I was having a hard time imaging what they had left to do but with 40+ year career  I guess it would be impossible for them to run out of songs.  The final encore was "Songbird" which Christine McVie performed alone with a piano.  It was quite a treat knowing that they hadn't done that song in at least 16 years.  In that moment though I was thinking that it was odd that Christie would have the final word of such a momentous show.  Well, as soon as she was done signing and exiting the stage Miss Nicks sauntered back out (there it is) onto center stage to tell one final story to close the night.  She said that that has always been her thing in Fleetwood Mac, coming out to say the final goodbye and leave us with some parting words.  Her story was cute and funny and happened to be about Christine but it doesn't take Dr. Freud to understand that Stevie was not about to be upstaged by anyone.  Makes me love her even more, actually - gotta have a little bit of a bitch inside to get that far in life.

Gratitude

Throwback Thursday - me in 1976

The law of attraction is whatever you put out into the world comes back to you.  It's similar to Karma and other such spiritual beliefs.  It also means that what you focus on grows (insert sexual joke here) so your mood has a lot to do with your circumstances.  At the beginning of the summer when I was having a rough time due, mostly, to my broken engagement I kept saying out loud that I felt like I was drowning.  I had this distinct image of myself in my brain of my body suspended in liquid, limbs akimbo like those haunting scenes in "Under The Skin."  I couldn't figure out why I couldn't shake the feeling.  Now, looking back I realize that I was manifesting and perpetuating it.  Thinking about myself not doing well was part of the cause of my not doing well.  Nearly impossible to realize this as it's happening though.
     Last month I was talking to one of my best friends, Theo, on the phone and I was saying how this year had been so terrible.  She astutely and positively said that there was still time to turn it around.  My reaction was not one of the glass-half-full mentality and I quickly shot down that notion.  Something happened later that week though and I decided to take some action to make things happen in my life.  I wasn't necessarily trying to change my mood but I thought I had better change my circumstances before I create a real shit storm in my life.
     At the time I didn't know what was going to happen with my job at High Voltage Tattoo so with the encouragement of another great friend of mine I sat down to write a resume and apply for this job at an art gallery.  I don't know about you but the idea of writing a resume and cover letter and applying for a job makes me want to crawl into the corner in a fetal position and rock myself to sleep in tears.  I'm just not cut out for that kind of thing and I also sell myself short thinking I have no skills to mention (insert another sexual joke here), at least on paper.  I finally just bit the bullet and did it and, guess what?  It was not only pretty easy to do but I realized that I have a ton of experience doing all kinds of things and I'm highly employable and maybe even desirable to possible employers.  I completed a task I set out for myself and I sent out the email with both a kick-ass cover letter and my new resume.  It felt awesome to do.
     I was fully aware in that moment that it didn't even matter if I got the job I was applying for because I know that when I get into the mode of sending forth productive energy into the universe that somehow it will come back to me - usually in a way I was not expecting.  That's pretty much how I ended up working at High Voltage in the 1st place.  A few days after I did that we found out that we were approved to open High Voltage again temporally next door in our Wonderland Galley space so I didn't even need to continue looking for work.  I also got a call out of the blue from SAG about some money possibly owed to me for a commercial job I did 2 years ago saying that they had finally settled the case and I should be receiving a pretty decent check before the holidays ( go union!!)
     It's hard to feel grateful when the shit hits the fan but, of course, it's the only way to get back on your feet in a timely manner.  You have to actually feel your emotions before you can move on from them and sadness and anger are necessary to acknowledge and accept.  The famous saying goes that "pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."  All you have to do to feel OK about your life is to actually look around the streets or turn on any news station.  I know that I am truly blessed even though I don't own a mansion and a yacht.  Happy Thanksgiving.

Rock-N-Roll With Me

Rob Zombie tour bus, Chicago 2014

A few months ago I woke up to an amazing text from my friend.  He was asking if I'd be willing to fly to Chicago to attend his wife's (also my friend) surprise birthday party.  I mean, you don't have to twist my arm to except an offer like that so I texted back an emphatic YES!! It was also perfect timing because the birthday soiree was taking place the week after I was returning from the Kate Bush show in London.  Just when I was thinking that there couldn't possibly be any other exciting adventures after that doozy - BAM! - another awesome plan in the works to alleviate the come down from Kate Bush.
     There are moments in life when the timing of things all line up and work out perfectly.  It makes up for all those other moments when you just can't seem to make anything work out at all.  Well, this trip to Chicago made up for all those other moments in the biggest and bestest way.  Turns out that a David Bowie exhibit was opening at the MCA that very week that I was flying out there.  The exhibit "David Bowie Is" had traveled all over the world and was only making 1 stop (ONE STOP!!!) in the USA and it just so happens that stop is Chicago.  Fortune was shining it's golden light upon me and melting away all the other dark shit from this tumultuous year!  What could be more amazing than an entire exhibit of everything Bowie, short of a time machine to take me back to 1974 to attend the "Diamond Dogs" tour??
     It was absolute perfection.  My friend Allison and I flew to Chicago on Thursday morning.  We checked into our hotel, took a short nap and then got all gussied up for the birthday bash.  At dinner we all decided that we HAD to go to the Bowie exhibit the next day so we all got up and met in the morning and walked over to the museum and proceeded to be inundated with the magic that is Bowie.  Not only did all that work out so well it also so happened that the Chicago airport was closed on Friday for a full 24 hours due to a fire at the air traffic controller's tower and thousands of flights were cancelled and a jillion people were stranded.  Had our plans been 1 day off we never would have made it on this trip.  For once the gods were laughing WITH us and not AT us.

Outide "David Bowie Is" at the MCA, Chicgao

   After the exhibit we went to lunch then all piled on the tour bus to go to the opening night of Rob Zombie's Great American Nightmare.  We got to have a preview of all the mazes with the lights on and before all the ghouls and goblins had taken their places in the catacombs to scare the living beejeebus outta us.  It was really awesome to actually get to look at the mazes and all the intricate detail that went into designing them and making them so creepy, gross and cool.  Of course, the evening ended with a kick-ass Rob Zombie concert to boot!!  We packed so much into this awesome weekend it was an absolute rock-n-roll extravaganza.
     The next day we went to the airport and even after that crazy, 24 hour debacle our flight was on time and we actually got back to LA without a hitch.  Being surrounded by great friends, great art and rock-and-roll is a sure fire cure for any blues one may be carrying around inside.   I dare you to go to an entire exhibit of David Bowie and not walk away inspired and energized.

    Gentle hearts are counted down

The queue is out of sight and out of sounds

Me, I'm out of breath, but not quite doubting 

I've found a door which lets me out!

     

Halloween

A sample of my famous holiday cards

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday.  For as long as I can remember I have always loved dressing up.  Way before I had access to, or they sold cool clothes in suburban malls I always put looks together that were not necessarily popular but undeniably me.  The older I got the more I realized that I could dress up any time and on any day I chose - not just one holiday a year.

     In my mind the holiday season has always begun in October.  1st, there's my birthday on Oct.26th.  Then, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanza, and, finally, New Year's Eve.  As a child it was always exciting because it meant lots of time off from dreadful school, dressing up, and, of course, gifts!!  To this day I get excited when autumn approaches even though it's really hard to tell when that is with LA weather.  My mom always made or helped me make my costumes and I have continued the tradition by always creating my own looks.  As a really young child I was a clown, a tiger, a native American Indian, Darth Vader (with a tin foil chest panel), Fozzy Bear and a banana - not necessarily in that order.  Recently, I have been a Chic Sheik, a Cockette, dead Marc Bolan, Frida Kahlo, a harpy, Death by Disco (with a broken disco ball on my head) and a witch.

     One of my gorgeous friends named Alicia has a birthday that is actually on Halloween day.  As a child I was always so jealous of people born on that day but now I realize that Halloween adjacent is pretty good as well.  Alicia, known to most as Trani because that is her actual last name, would always have a big, themed birthday party on Halloween.  One year the theme was The Shining.  Now, there aren't really a tremendous amount of characters in that film and the most glamorous costume option would have been the twins but, obviously, that takes 2 to tango.  I walked around my neighborhood in the East Village of NYC to find some inspiration.  Lo and behold I found the most amazing vintage Shriner outfit complete with fez and whistle and an awesome jacket with braided epaulets.  I decided that would be perfect - surely a shriner had stayed in The Overlook Hotel in all it's illustrious past - I decided that there had to have been a Shriner convention there at one point.

     Part of my attraction to Halloween is the dark side of it - the celebration of all things spooky and spine tingling which I have always thought was super glamorous.  There's nothing more romantic that the whole Dracula story - sure beats the pants off Romeo & Juliet.  I mean, let's see - eternal life or double suicide? Hmmm...So, I decided my Shriner had to be dead to add to the creep factor so I went out and got a bunch of theatrical make up and some silicone to make myself a bullet hole in the center of my forehead.  The make up came out so great that it was hard for people to talk to me for too long because it was so realistic.  I even had 2 perfect streams of blood trickling down either side of my big nose that slowly crept down my face until they were dangling off my chin 2 inches.  That theatrical blood is really thick and lasts all night.

     At one point Alicia made a joke that I should take a photo of myself and make it my Xmas card since it would be so highly inappropriate.  At that moment a really large light bulb went off in my brain and I though I absolutely, 100% am doing that for sure!  In that very moment my own delightfully twisted tradition was born and I have been doing it ever since - at least 12 years now and since my sense of time is so shit it's probably been way more.  I alter between holidays for the theme of the card depending on how Jew-y I look - Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah even Kwanza once and when I was Frida Kahlo I finally did a Feliz Navidad card.  This year I dressed up twice so we shall see what the theme is for 2014 - whatever it is it will be a glittery one.  Pretty sure I will still have some glitter on my face well into 2015.  It's like I'm dating a stripper except the stripper is me.

Chic Sheik, Halloween, 2014