New Year!

Street walking cheetah.

Twenty fourteen has definetely been a roller coaster ride to say the least.  My drama-queen, only-child, alcoholic, Scorpio self wants to believe it was the worst year of my life.  That's not exactly true. So I went through a break-up,  boohoo.   I'm not the 1st and certainly not the last person on earth to have such an experience.  I got over it.
     I've always had this knowledge in my mind that love is not available to me.  I don't mean this in a woe-as-me kind of way. What I mean is that as a child, feeling and knowing that I was different from most people I got many clear cut messages from society that who and what I am was wrong.   Things that are unsaid are actually worse and more hurtful than things that are said out loud.  So, as a young gay boy in suburbia there were absolutely no positive role models for me.  There were a few obviously gay clowns that epitomized the hyper-flamboyant type of gay in the media but no one that I wholeheartedly related to.
     Even the most outrageously girly rocks bands like Duran Duran & Motley Crüe turned out to be all hetero. Thier style was just surface it wasn't dictated by sexuality. Then came Boy George and the regular world had never seen anything like that before.  The big question everyone always had was "is that a boy or girl?" Not only did I never question that I always wondered why anyone cared.  I thought he was beautiful but it was too embarrassing for the fruity, gay boy to admit he liked him.
     For these reasonss I never, ever imagined myself in love or with anyone romantically let alone getting married.  I understood that society didn't believe in gay love so I internalized this knowledge and locked it away deep inside myself.  I honestly believed this was true for a long, long time.  I turned 44 in October and my previous relationship was the longest (4.5 years) of my life - by 4 years!!!  It took a lot of deep, discovery and work to dispel my own false beliefs.
     I don't regret any of it.  In fact, I learned so much about myself in that time and we did a lot of amazing things together.  Mainly, I learned that I'm capable of a long-term, romantic relationship. This one wasn't meant to be and I'm not so sure any relationship is meant to be forever.  Forever doesn't exist, nothing lasts forever our time here is fleeting.  Perhaps this last one was practice for something super fabulous that's coming next?  Or, maybe, that was my big long-term relationship for this lifetime?  It doesn't really matter either way, if I stay in the present and don't project some prearranged future onto myself then all is fine and dandy.
      I had some of the best experiences of my life in 2014 as well - thus, contradicting my false drama-queen exaggerations.  I saw friggin Kate Bush, in London! A lifelong dream come true - I have the pictures to prove it.  I saw the David Bowie Is exhibit in Chicago during a trip generously planned by an amazing friend of mine.  I saw the original line-up of Fleetwood Mac.  I attended 2 glorious weddings that were both the sweetest testimonies of love.  I also had 2 fabulous trips to Palm Springs this year also generously planned by another amazing friend who spoiled me rotten.
     The good really does outweigh the bad and if you really look closely the bad isn't even bad at all.  After enough time passes you realize that even the most painful experiences are lessons taught and they are necessary for the next leg of your journey.  Bring it on 2015 - I'm gonna have a fabulous time in you!

Dreams

Stevie Nicks singing "Gold Dust Woman," Forum, 11/29

Fleetwood Mac is a huge part of the soundtrack of my youth. Their music is woven into the fabric that makes up the tapestry of my life. I didn't "discover" Fleetwood Mac on my own they were ubiquitous in the 1970's - you couldn't go anywhere without hearing them and because of that the songs are engrained in my psyche. Of course, they were one of the bands that I rejected in my teen years after discovering punk and alternative music.  In my late 20's they again became part of my soundtrack when I summered with friends every year in Fire Island - we played them non-stop and it was perfect, again (or still, actually.)
     I was lucky enough to attend their most recent tour "On With The Show" last weekend.  I had actually never seen them before and this tour, in particular, seemed like the tour to witness with the return (after a 16 year absence) of Christine McVie.  I was right in assuming that it would be amazing and after they opened with "The Chain" I knew we were in for a fun ride. They followed that up with "You Make Loving Fun," & "Dreams" and proceeded to roll out hit after hit until the final encore.  Earlier I had said that Kate Bush was the last living music icon on my list of people I had never seen live - until this year, that is.  Fleetwood Mac (Stevie in particularly) was also worthy of that list but like I said earlier they have always just been there, I didn't have to seek them out and "discover" them unlike Kate Bush.  I mean, they are certainly worthy of all their lasting fame and adoration but I just didn't relize how friggin' excited I'd be to finally see them.  
     After the 2nd song I decided that Christine McVie is the Helen Mirren of rock.  She's graceful, elegant, timeless and still sounds exactly like she did on all the albums. I can't imagine seeing them without her and I'm glad I didn't.  Of course, Stevie Nicks is the superstar of the group.  Let's face it, all your fav Fleetwood songs were penned by her and without her addition the band would never have gone on to sell 45 million copies of "Rumous."  Stevie can't quite hit those high notes anymore but we still love her and forgive her because we all know her whole story and it's shocking that she's still standing let alone performing at all (lord knows I relate 100%.)  Plus, she's adorable and I love that she's graduated to only wearing all black now.
      Stevie told a great story about how her and Lindsey (pre-Fleetwood) started having some success musically and were lucky to open for so many legends like Jimi Hendrix (in front of an audience of 70,000,) Janis Joplin (30,000,) The Eagles, Chicago - the list goes on.  She said she had started to make a little money for the 1st time, she saved a few months pay and was so excited to finally go to the legendary San Francisco store The Velvet Underground.  She walked in and onto the floor that was painted in a beautiful way that she said she has never seen the likes of since & she was in awe of all the gorgeous clothes - she still couldn't afford to buy a thing.  She had what she calls a "future premonition" while in the store and she saw herself not only shopping there soon but never having to look at a price tag again. She was, of course, correct and she said the point of her story wasn't to boast but to let us all know to never stop following our dreams and to never, ever listen to anyone that tells us that we can't do what you want to in life! This was obviously the introduction to "Gypsy" which, I'm certain, is on most people's Top 5 Fleetwood Mac Songs list. 

So I'm back to the velvet underground

Back to the floor that I love

To a room with some lace and paper flowers

Back to the gypsy that I was 

Beside the show the people watching was amazing!  It's nice to go to a concert where I actually feel young in the crowd, nowadays when I see bands I'm fully aware that I could be most people's dads or even (gasp) granddads.  I'd say he median age for this event was 65, give or take several decades.  Before the show we were in the newly renovated Forum Club for a pre-show soiree that included a photographically decorated cake featuring the whole band and a buffet style spread.  I was telling my friends a story about this fun & weird Kiss show I had seen years ago in NYC, Kiss is 3D (aren't all concerts "3D?".)  Just as I finished my story my friend taps me on the shoulder and points and who of all people is standing & waiting in line for a loose meat sandwich (please tell me you get the joke?) - Paul Stanley, of course!  There was also an woman who bore a striking resemblance both physically and fashionably to Barbra Streisand, decked out in many shades of beige.

     Fleetwood Mac played for nearly 3 hours and did every single one of their hits except "Sara."  Even before the 1st encore I was having a hard time imaging what they had left to do but with 40+ year career  I guess it would be impossible for them to run out of songs.  The final encore was "Songbird" which Christine McVie performed alone with a piano.  It was quite a treat knowing that they hadn't done that song in at least 16 years.  In that moment though I was thinking that it was odd that Christie would have the final word of such a momentous show.  Well, as soon as she was done signing and exiting the stage Miss Nicks sauntered back out (there it is) onto center stage to tell one final story to close the night.  She said that that has always been her thing in Fleetwood Mac, coming out to say the final goodbye and leave us with some parting words.  Her story was cute and funny and happened to be about Christine but it doesn't take Dr. Freud to understand that Stevie was not about to be upstaged by anyone.  Makes me love her even more, actually - gotta have a little bit of a bitch inside to get that far in life.