Tuesday, April 29, 2014

P.S I Love You

Photo by Sharon Ryan.

I had the privilege of spending 24 glorious hours in Palm Springs this past weekend.  No, I wasn't there for Stage Coach and no, I wasn't there for The White Party.  I was there for a much needed getaway with friends and some r & r.  There were 7 people, 5 dogs, an equal amount of outfit changes and a plethora of belly laugh.
     It's amazing how just 2 short hours away and you can feel as if you're in a completely different world. Palm Springs is nothing if not an amazing and totally wacky oasis in the desert.  For the most part the people and the decor are from a bygone Hollywood era and it's fabulous.  Kaftans, dashikis, and sequins abound and that was just my group! Apparently, every woman over a certain age that resides there was either in, at least, one old Hollywood movie or was a Playboy Playmate in the 60's, or 50's or 40's (if Playboy even existed then.)  It's an amazing sight to behold! I appreciate anyone who can pull a look together no matter what age they are. No housecoats or sweat pants for those ladies, bless their hearts.
     We were fortunate enough to go on a golf cart driven tour of Sunnylands - the over-the-top former estate of The Annenbergs. They were extremely wealthy publishing magnates, philanthropists, art collectors, and avid Republicans with a deep sense of nationalism. Whatever their politics their taste was exquisite and if you ever get the opportunity to visit their former 500 acre compound it's a must. Their furniture and art collection is mind blowing.  Van Goghs, Picassos, Monets, Cézannes - the list goes on. People throw around a lot of words like glamour and luxury these days but this place was the absolute definition of both. My soul felt uplifted just being in the presence of such grandeur. Luckily, The Annenbergs knew that art is good for the spirt which is why they donated most of their collection to The Met and their foundation keeps their estate preserved for guests to visit and enjoy.
     I only had a 24 hour window to escape LA in between working but, somehow, I felt like I was gone for days. Spending quality time with friends without being glued to Facebook makes every moment delicious and satisfying and, it seemed, as if the hours passed by slowly and lazily. For once time really was on our side.  As much as I hated to leave I felt like this mini-vacation really helped me to turn the page onto a new chapter of my life.  Thank you universe for putting such genuine and gorgeous people in my life.
     What a difference a day makes.


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Under The Skin

Scarlett Johansson in "Under The Skin."

Imagine walking around all day pretending to be an alien from another planet or dimension.  I bet the conclusion you'd come to pretty quickly is that humans are a very strange and unusual species.  I just returned from an afternoon showing of the provocative and hauntingly beautiful "Under The Skin" starring Scarlett Johansson who gives a gorgeous and brilliant performance.  This is immediately what I was struck with.  There's a part in the beginning where there's an ant crawling on the hand of ScarJo's character and I instantly thought of the correlation between insects and humans.  Perhaps to an alien being humans would seem like ants busily scurrying to and fro all over the planet, marching methodically and over-crowding their surroundings.  The difference being that as humans we have created culture and technology that advances us as a species.  Or does it?
     It's no longer unusual to go out in public and see groups of people all together but completely isolated from each other.  I had dinner with a friend last week and at a nearby table of 6 each person was hunched over a "smart" phone with the hideous glare of electronic light making their faces ghostly and creepy.  We watched them for several minutes and not once did they speak to each other or look up from their phones.  I am guilty as charged as well of being glued to my phone but I have been trying to make a conscious effort to put it away in lieu of actual human communication.  Everyone is so "connected" through social media that, in reality, we are not connected at all.  In fact, we are becoming antisocial.
     The movie also brings up the question of what it is that makes us human.  ScarJo's character is an alien on earth and is trying to portray herself as human in the skin that she has borrowed.  Most of the film seems like we are looking through her eyes in wonder and awe at a world that is both devastatingly beautiful in nature and also chaotic and confusing in it's humanity.  Look at people and try to distance yourself for a minute and it's all so unusual - humans walking alone and talking on cellular devices, eating, smoking, drinking, & rushing around.  Where is everyone always going and why?  I bet if you transported your great, great, great grandmother to our time she would feel just as strange as the character in the movie.  But, don't we, too, feel just as strange here at times?  The irony is that we are alienating ourselves from each other and we all live on the same planet.
     We have been conditioned to believe that the things that matter are just that - things.  Your car and your watch should instantly let people know your status and tax bracket.  If you don't have the latest bag or shoe then you are not worthy.  I'm not saying it's bad to want nice things but perspective is very important.  Nothing on the outside is ever going to fulfill the insides after the "instant gratification" feeling wears off.  Everyone always finds out too late that in the end the only thing that really matters is love and relationships with other humans.  Cultivate friendships that are based on trust and love and exploring the world not based on your Facebook "likes."
     The world is still vast and filled with breathtaking nature, we haven't completely destroyed it yet.  There are great achievements by our race that make life magical and wonderful.  There is nothing better than setting your imagination on fire with a well crafted book, beautifully executed painting or visually stunning movie like "Under The Skin."  Put down your phone and get out there and explore and seek knowledge and understanding.  Ask questions and learn about things that we wouldn't even know existed if it weren't for our advanced technology.  And don't forget to hang out with your best friends and have a gut busting laugh as often as possible!





     

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The Skin I'm In

    
 I am very blessed to have many friendships that have lasted over 20 years.  There are least a dozen people in my life that have been there for over 2 decades now - that's a pretty great track record.  I have been fortunate to know so many talented, creative, smart, beautiful, interesting people in my life.  I used to question why this was so.  When I was younger I could never understand why these people would be attracted to me.  I was not a typical kid and I was always treated like an outcast so I took on the identity of the outsider.  The loner, the rebel, the misfit - these were labels I became comfortable with.
     It never occurred to me that maybe the reason that interesting, creative types were drawn to me was because I was one of them too.  There were times when even in a big group of like minded people I felt alone.  All of this stems form low self-esteem and a negative self imagine.  I had experiences as a child that damaged me and because of that I decided that I, too, was damaged.  I felt very comfortable living in victim mode for many years.  This, ultimately,  lead me to want to escape my "self" and the best and easiest way to do that is through mind and mood altering substances.  Not to say that you can't be an addict if you were raised in idyllic surroundings but that's not my story.
     I'm completely convinced that I was already an alcoholic long before I ever picked up and booze or drugs.  I always wanted to escape reality and I was drawn toward devious behavior such as lying and stealing - those things made me feel like I had a dark secret that somehow made me stronger than others.  I was like a superhero but the ones from Bizarro World, the twisted version.  I always say that my addiction was like a Thanksgiving feast that was all laid out and ready to serve as soon as the turkey was done.  In my case, alcohol and drugs were the turkey and as soon as I reached for those things I was off to the races.
     Now, after many years of sobriety, lots of therapy and tons of hard work I appreciate and even love the person I am.  I am even grateful for all the shit I had to endure because it made me strong and resilient and able to conquer my demons.  I used to dress outrageously so that people would look at me and when they did I would sneer and throw daggers with my eyes.   Now, I dress up to feel good and express myself.  You can create a feeling or a mood with clothing and I think it should be fun to get dressed everyday - it's how you present yourself to the world.  No matter how I am dressed I always feel comfortable no matter what my surroundings because underneath the clothes I am comfortable in my own skin.  That's the difference from when I was younger.
     One night a few months back, I was standing on the curb waiting for a friend to pick me up.  This car pulled up to the light, its passengers 4 adults.  The guy in the front seat rolled down the window, looked at me and said "what are you dressed as?"  I looked at him and said in my normal voice "I''m dressed as myself."  He proceeded to say "well, you look horrible!"  I looked back at him and retorted "my, what a lovely thing to say to someone.  I bet your friends are so proud of you right now."
      It had been many years since someone had done the old yell-insults-out-the window-of -a-car trick to me and it seemed so out of place.  I live in Los Angeles, which is supposedly a modern, urban place - not exactly a conservative town.  Instead of making me go inward and feel sorry for myself, it actually made me more proud and happy to be me.  Thank god I don't have to be a grown ass man that needs to hurl insults at strangers in order to feel good about himself.  Someone whose world is so small and narrow could never have gorgeous, interesting, talented friends - like me!










Tuesday, April 8, 2014

What Is Love?

    
                                                    "The Two Fridas," 1939 by Krida Kahlo.

  What is true love? What is a soul-mate. Who is the "one?" Is there a one, a two, a three, or even a four? Is there a limit to the amount of times actual love presents itself to you?

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Stranger Than Fiction

  

   There are many famous stories of mine that I am asked to re-tell over and over again.  Humorous, ridiculous, even fabulous anecdotes and experiences that I have had in my crazy life.  Some of my friends even know my stories by heart because they've heard them so many times, and, according to them they never cease to be funny.  Some of the magical & absurd situations I've found myself in you just couldn't make up. That's why I have decided to write them all down.   It's always been a fantasy of mine to write a book of non-fiction stories like David Sedaris or Chelsea Handler  and I'm determined to make that fantasy a reality.
     I have been fortunate enough to meet and befriend many amazingly talented, creative and beautiful people in my life and have even traveled the globe with some of them.  My Mom and stepdad lived in Mogadishu, Somalia - as in, a-country-in-Africa-most-people-barely-even-know-exists - for 2 years when I was a freshman in college.  I got to go there not once, but twice and the second time I lived there for the whole summer.  Not too typical a stay abroad.  Traveling is so important because it ignites the powers of perception and observation.  When you always walk or drive down the same streets you stop noticing things and it all becomes familiar and routine.  Try walking down the dirt "streets" of Mogadishu and I dare you not to notice how completely different everything is around you.  Being in an unfamiliar place forces you to rely on your senses in a more profound way.
     Several years back a group of 10 of my friends all planned and actually managed to go on an amazing trip to Costa Rica.  Most of my friends were coming from NY and I was flying from LA.  Somehow, I got the dates wrong and ended up arriving 3 days before all my friends were scheduled to get there.  It ended up being the biggest blessing.  I read 2 books and seemingly out of the blue got really motivated to write.  I started journaling and even penned my 1st story while sitting on a glorious beach, adjacent to the jungle, all by myself, no one around for miles.  I recently looked back on that journal and the thing that I wrote right before the story was "there's no reason why I couldn't be a published author, in fact, I'd be quite good at it."  That entry was dated 2/15/09 and I just now, this year, started writing down my stories again.
     The creative process has always been a bit of a struggle for me.  Finding motivation is usually pretty easy but the follow through is where I always get stuck.  Thus, the 5 year gap in writing.  Part of the reason I started this blog was to practice getting my words out there regularly and also, when I have a reason beyond myself to complete tasks I always step up.  Committing to a weekly blog and knowing that people may actually be reading this gives me the motivation to make sure I don't slack.  Funny, too, how just the act of putting words down on paper or on a computer screen makes me feel so much more in touch with myself and the world around me.
     I allude to some of the things that I am writing about in my book in this blog but the stories that I am compiling will still, mostly, be a surprise to people that don't know me well.  Also, I figure if I put it out there that I'm working on this project then you guys and the universe will hold me accountable for completing it.  The thing is that it feels so good to do that it doesn't even really matter  if anyone ever reads it - the act of completing it will be a victory for me and who knows how that feeling will color my future.


Top photo: Matt & I with the legendary Phyllis Diller taken on the magical day we got to spend at her house shortly before she passed away.