Gratitude

Throwback Thursday - me in 1976

The law of attraction is whatever you put out into the world comes back to you.  It's similar to Karma and other such spiritual beliefs.  It also means that what you focus on grows (insert sexual joke here) so your mood has a lot to do with your circumstances.  At the beginning of the summer when I was having a rough time due, mostly, to my broken engagement I kept saying out loud that I felt like I was drowning.  I had this distinct image of myself in my brain of my body suspended in liquid, limbs akimbo like those haunting scenes in "Under The Skin."  I couldn't figure out why I couldn't shake the feeling.  Now, looking back I realize that I was manifesting and perpetuating it.  Thinking about myself not doing well was part of the cause of my not doing well.  Nearly impossible to realize this as it's happening though.
     Last month I was talking to one of my best friends, Theo, on the phone and I was saying how this year had been so terrible.  She astutely and positively said that there was still time to turn it around.  My reaction was not one of the glass-half-full mentality and I quickly shot down that notion.  Something happened later that week though and I decided to take some action to make things happen in my life.  I wasn't necessarily trying to change my mood but I thought I had better change my circumstances before I create a real shit storm in my life.
     At the time I didn't know what was going to happen with my job at High Voltage Tattoo so with the encouragement of another great friend of mine I sat down to write a resume and apply for this job at an art gallery.  I don't know about you but the idea of writing a resume and cover letter and applying for a job makes me want to crawl into the corner in a fetal position and rock myself to sleep in tears.  I'm just not cut out for that kind of thing and I also sell myself short thinking I have no skills to mention (insert another sexual joke here), at least on paper.  I finally just bit the bullet and did it and, guess what?  It was not only pretty easy to do but I realized that I have a ton of experience doing all kinds of things and I'm highly employable and maybe even desirable to possible employers.  I completed a task I set out for myself and I sent out the email with both a kick-ass cover letter and my new resume.  It felt awesome to do.
     I was fully aware in that moment that it didn't even matter if I got the job I was applying for because I know that when I get into the mode of sending forth productive energy into the universe that somehow it will come back to me - usually in a way I was not expecting.  That's pretty much how I ended up working at High Voltage in the 1st place.  A few days after I did that we found out that we were approved to open High Voltage again temporally next door in our Wonderland Galley space so I didn't even need to continue looking for work.  I also got a call out of the blue from SAG about some money possibly owed to me for a commercial job I did 2 years ago saying that they had finally settled the case and I should be receiving a pretty decent check before the holidays ( go union!!)
     It's hard to feel grateful when the shit hits the fan but, of course, it's the only way to get back on your feet in a timely manner.  You have to actually feel your emotions before you can move on from them and sadness and anger are necessary to acknowledge and accept.  The famous saying goes that "pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."  All you have to do to feel OK about your life is to actually look around the streets or turn on any news station.  I know that I am truly blessed even though I don't own a mansion and a yacht.  Happy Thanksgiving.