NYC Nights

Formika & me NYE 1999-2000

Wow!!  It's been a really long time since I wrote anything and I was feeling the itch to communicate.  I recently was going through old photos - I have a huge trunk full of photos from the 90s and early 2000s, in those days I was never without my Yashica T4 camera and a ton of film.  I pretty much documented my life and the awesome NYC club scene, opposite of the paparazzi I was an invited guest, part of the scene and everyone mugged appropriately for me.  I only went through 4 envelopes of over 300 and I started dividing the photos into groups to send to friends.  Back then I always got doubles and now I have a treasure trove - 1 for me and 1 for you.
     I separted the photos by people and made about 5 stacks that represented some of my closest and most glamorous friends.  The whole time walking down memory lane and being so in those moments again.  I was laughing at how wild we all were and how outrageous and awesome our style was.  I have to say I was pretty impressed I thought we all looked amazing and no one looked glum.  I suppose in those days if you were down you either stayed home or masked it with a ton of booze and powders.  I had an absolute blast stuffing the photos into cards and mailing them off to the friends that were portrayed in them.  These days no one gets mail and certainly no one gets actual photos any longer.  Everything is fast and disposable and then gone.  In an instant (Instagram) the moment is captured and forgotten - no keepsakes in this digital age.
     My dear friend Mistress Formika who ruled the downtown scene back them in stilettos and sky high wigs texted to say he had gotten the photos.  He too was impressed with how wild we were and how the kids these days have no idea what our NYC was like - believe me it is NSFW the places we ran and the things we did there.  One photo in particular of the 2 of us in The Voluptuous Horror Of Karen Black makeup - he painted all white and totally nude and me painted all black with my teeth blacked out and huge white wings around my eyes - really stood out.  If you don't know Karen Black was and still is sometimes the sickest band.  Juvenile cardboard props and dancers performing fright wig kabuki theater to a soundtrack of punky-metal music.  I knew the photo was from the late 1990s but couldn't remember exactly when.  Formika reminded me in was New Year's Eve 1999 into 2000 and all of the sudden the entire night flooded back to me like it was yesterday.
     We were performing at the stroke of midnight with TVHOKB at CBGBs which is now a John Varvatos store.  In fact, The Bowery used to be derelicts, homeless shelters and artists lofts like Nan Goldin and now it's the chic-est street with the most expensive hotels and boutiques.  We got ready across the street at our friend Scott's loft then walked across to CBGBs, Formika totally nude on NYE!!!  It really struck me that I performed at that legendary place!! I mean The Ramones and Blondie and Patti Smith and so many more got their start there and here we were on that very stage nude or mostly nude except for body paint and wigs ringing in the new millennium.  I mean, now that I look back that's fucking legendary and I had totally forgotten all about it.
     The night only began there I mean NYE in the city-that-never-sleeps literally goes on forever.  After the show I ran to my friend Drea DeMateo's house on 2nd Ave between 7th and St Mark's place which, drastically, exploded and burned to the ground last year!!!  I arrived at her house totally painted black looking insane and amazing - always the life of the party.  I hung out for a few hours then jumped in the shower and changed and hightailed it to The Cock to bartend the late late late shift which was like 4am - 8am or so.  Man, those were the days when we packed more into one night than some people do in a lifetime.  We had no idea how amazing and crazy our lives were.  I mean, we had fun but we didn't really know how magical it was.  So many nights were just as legendary as that one.
     I still like to live my life under the guise of the best is yet to come.  I never want to think that my glory days are gone or the the magic has stopped.  Things are different now and, unfortunately, all of my friends no longer live in a 10 block radius.  I'm older and not so wild but I still seek beauty and glitter and magic and love.  The world will always be filled with creativity and no crappy government can trump that out of us artists!!! I believe in magic and I always will.

NYC

Times Square Kiss (w/Prince in the background)

New York I love you.  I love you but you've changed.  The energy of NYC - eclectic and electric will never change, that's a constant.  No matter how many crappy new NYU buildings go up the palpable & alluring energy of the city is there to stay.  Sure, there are still tons of artists and freaks living downtown but there's a frigging 7-Eleven on Ave. A.  AVENUE A (THIS IS AN ALL CAPS MOMENT PEOPLE)!!!!!  I mean, I moved to the East Village in 1992 and for many I'm sure it was already over then but there were still junkies and prostitutes on the streets.  I liked it better when it was still dangerous to cross Ave. C.  I felt more at home with the junkies and pimps and whores and street urchins than I do with frat boys and clusters of girls walking in a horizontal line down the middle of the sidewalk clucking like chickens but believing they are Carrie Bradshaw.
     I had the absolute pleasure of taking my boyfriend to NYC for his 1st ever visit.  If you've never been to NYC with someone who has never been to NYC then I suggest you try it.  I could see the magic and excitement in his eyes from the moment we set foot on the filthy sidewalks of downtown until the cab back to JFK.  He was practically Mary Tyler Moore-ing his way through the streets,  tossing his hat up in the air and twirling about.  We even went to Times Square solely for the purpose of getting a kiss photo with the backdrop of a million watts of light bulbs flaring.  It was intoxicating to see him revel in the electricity of the city.
     Of course, we were on vacation and everything is more alluring when you have no agenda or commitments except seeing friends perform and socializing.  The main point of visiting at the time we did was to see the reunion of two of my favorite performers of all time Kiki & Herb.  My entire time in NYC could be told using Kiki & Herb shows as a backdrop to my experiences.  I'd seen them perform everywhere from the now obsolete Flaming East all the way up to a sold out show at Carnegie Hall!  Under the guise of two old washed up boozy cabaret performers who seem clueless about life is the sharp and pointed social commentary of 2 extremely intelligent and seasoned performers.  They tackle social issues by telling their fictionalized life story peppered with popular songs from all eras.  Mx Justin Vivian Bond is the well endowed Chanteuse Kiki,  and Kenny Mellman is her gay Jew tard (their description, it's like when black people use the "N" word)  piano accompaniment.  It's genius performance on all levels.  Jacob got to see them for the 1st time and I got to see them for the millionth but it was as if absolutely no time had passed since their last show.
     That's kind of how it feels to me to be back in NYC - it's as if no time had passed at all.  Connecting with true friends always feels like that, you pick up exactly where you left off last and there's never any weirdness stepping right back into those roles.  The only real evidence of time passing is the presence of new businesses and the disappearance of old ones.  Things like the fucking 7-Eleven on the corner in my old hood is a sharp slap on the face reminding us that time has, in fact, passed.  Kind of like when you're always with your friends and you feel like you've all always looked the same and then you see a photo from 1992 and you're like "DAMN!! I guess we don't really look like kids anymore!"
     NYC I will always love you.  It's been nice to be on the West Coast the past decade and to know that no matter what happens the streets of NYC will always feel like home.  In NYC I have the confidence of a native strutting around the neighborhood that I know like the back of my hand despite the appearance of some blemishes and scars that may not have been there before.  Perhaps I'll live there again one day, I'm certainly not the kind of person who could stay in the same spot my whole life.  I know NYC and it's energy will always be there and I will always be able to slip right into the current of it.

Wisdom

Beautiful Mom & Grandma, 1981

The other day while talking to my mom I heard something I had never heard before. She said that people who struggle and struggle their whole lives but never seem to get past their troubles are younger souls. They haven't been around for enough lifetimes to get past their obstacles. The people that conquer their turmoils and learn to flourish despite obstacles are older souls.  They've been around many lifetimes and have had more time to grow.  Wise words, indeed.  I firmly believe that we are reincarnated again and again in order to learn the lessons we are meant to. Perhaps when we truly become fully evolved beings our souls are then set free and our time on earth is done.
     The idea of reincarnation was never unusual to me. As a very young boy my Grandma Molly told me about reincarnation and I belived it.  Molly was also a very wise and spiritual woman and she opened my mind up to a lot of ideas that would be considered esoteric to some.  After learning about that I was 100% certain that I was King Tut reincarnated, I was beyond fascinated with Egypt and Egyptian mythology - perfect for a future goth.  When my mom got me tickets (2 years in advance) for the King Tut exhibit at The Metropolitan Museum of Art I was never happier. Grandma Molly lived waking distance to The Met and I always loved spending time with her in that magical place.
     Every time I talked to my grandma I felt like I learned something new. Even in her 90's she was still learning things about herself and was open to the fact that there is always more knowledge out there.  In fact, she taught me that we actually know less as we get older or, more accurately, we learn that we are just a small piece of a vast universe and many questions have no answers.  The same goes for my mom now.  Sometimes she just has a lovely insight into a situation or puts something into a perspective that I hadn't thought of. She's an amazing listener which leads to greater insight - when someone really hears your words they understand them more.  Most people are too busy thinking about what they are going to say next to actually hear what you are trying to convey.
     I've always felt a deeper connection to the matriarchal side of my family.  My whole life I've had a closer and more in tune relationship with women.  Even though I'm gay I've had a harder time communicating with men.  Maybe it's because the examples I had of who was actually around physically and emotionally were the women in my family.  My Grandpa was a very hardworking and loyal man and was always supporting us financially but I never felt close to him and I had a hard time having conversations with him.  At one point when I was a kid I had 5 grandmas (including 2 great grandmas and a step grandma) and 3 of them I was very close to.
     Now, every time I talk to my mom and even my dad, on occasion, I find that I gain some kind of insight or new perspective.  When I talk to my dad I usually learn something about myself and, often, the conclusions I come to are slightly uncomfortable.  With my mom though, besides the comfort and love I feel from her I also tend to hear pearls of wisdom and insight on how to navigate the rocky waters of life.  I try to be more like her all the time by being a better listener and trying to be more gentle - especially with myself.

Ten - Thirteen

NYE 2014 - 2015

Ten years ago yesterday I moved to LA from NYC.  That also means that in 2 days, if all goes well, I will be sober for 13 years.  Those are pretty decent sized numbers if you ask me.  For about 8 years I was saying that I lived in LA for 5 years until I realized that I had been spouting that fact for at least 4 years running.  I'm not great at math but I came to the conclusion that I had been here longer than it seemed.  Sometimes I feel as if I just got here and it definitely does not feel like a decade has passed.

     I had been mulling over the prospect of "go west young man" for a few years but I just couldn't decide.  I asked other people what they thought and no one else had any satisfying answers either.  I waited until I had been sober for several years before I decided to uproot my life and go to the furthest coast away from the East Village.  It's suggested that you don't make any radical decisions in the 1st year of recovery because it's simple too overwhelming, stress inducing and, often, can trigger relapse.  Because of that I stayed working as a bar tender 5 nights a week while I was a newcomer to recovery.  The weird thing is that I became the best bar tender ever because all of the sudden I was focused on my job and concentrating on making money for the club and myself and not distracted by partying behind the bar.  Funny how things work.

     Once I made the firm decision in my mind that I was "Hollywood or bust" it seems that all of these doors magically unlocked.  The whole time I was hemming and hawing all of my plans and ideas seemed hazy but the moment I decided for sure doors sprang open.  A friend contacted me out of the blue because he had been traveling for over a year and was coming back to NYC in Jan. with just a backpack and no other belongings.  He needed a place to stay and I just happened to be leaving my apartment fully furnished.  Perfect.  

     Then, I had decided I should take an acting class in LA but the task of finding a good one seemed insurmountable.  One day I was out and about on a snowy, NYC afternoon and I stopped at one of my favorite places for lunch.  I heard a woman talking and her voice was instantly recognizable.  It was my Grandma's friend Jean-Ann who has a very distinctive, bold, boisterous, NY voice.  I approached her table and was going to ask if she remembered me (hadn't seen her in a decade) and she immediately looked up and proclaimed "Gregory!"  She said my grandma had mentioned my plans to relocate and then for no apparent reason I said I was going to look for an acting class.  Well, lo and behold her sister Robin was a working actress in LA who, it just so happened, was starting an acting class in the new year (2005).  She said I would love Robin because they had similar personalities and I always loved Jean-Ann!!!  Again, crazy how stuff works out. 

     To be quite frank I moved to LA because I wanted to be on TV.  I mean, I had already appeared in a national Always Panty Liners (no joke) commercial and played a - wait for it...junkie on "Law & Order: Criminal Intent."  But, I wanted to do a lot more of that.  I easily signed with an agent out here because, like I said, things were all falling into place and I started booking more national commercials.  Most of you already know the story but a few years later seemingly out of the blue I got a call to come meet Kat Von D ASAP to discuss the possibility of being the new shop manager on LA Ink.  Of course, that's exactly what I did and there it was - I was on TV regularly and it was tons of fun for a while.

     Now, it's a new year and I realize that I haven't set any new goals for myself lately.  Looking back it seems like most of the goals that I did set came true in one way or another.  The thing about making goals, writing them down, saying then out load, shouting them to the universe is that most often they do materialize!!  They usually don't happen in the manner or time frame in which you expect though which is why its important to keep expectations in check.  You absolutely can create the magic that you desire in your life and be the alchemist of your own destiny.

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Memory Lane

Me & Krylon on a rooftop in SF, 8/11/14

There are few things in life as magical as taking a walk down memory lane with an amazing old friend.  The shared experience of re-telling and re-living moments that you have in common opens doors inside that seem to transport you right back to those very moments.  It's almost as if your common history is more alive now than it was when it was happening - it's like watching the movie of your own life.  So quickly with old friends the conversation turns to funny, outrageous or even touching moments that you have lived together.

     I met my gorgeous, soul-sister friend Krylon in 1993 when I had started working at a popular East Village haunt called Stingy Lulu's.  I was fresh out of rehab (if you didn't go to rehab in the early 90's you were doing it wrong) and had recently moved back to NYC after staying at my Mom's in upstate, NY for a few months.  I was working as a cashier at a crunchy health food store when I ran into my friend Toni from college.  She was tending bar at Lulu's and asked me if I would be interested in being a waiter.  This was like the golden ticket for a post-grad, 22 year old in the city.  Waitering jobs were great money, all cash and always included tons of free food and drinks.  The catch 22 was that it was impossible to get a waiting job in NYC w/o a tons of NYC waiting experience but you couldn't get experience if no one would hire you - unless, of course, your friend was the bartender that was tight with the owners!

     After I got hired they quickly asked me if I ever did drag.  I had done some in the past for fun but my look at the time was more Kiss-meets-David-Bowie, androgynous, gender-fuck, glam!  I hadn't done much actual drag that included shaving everything and wearing a bra.  I loved getting dressed up though and I immediately said yes and thus the adventure began.  There was an amazing, melting-pot crew of queens that worked at Lulus and we tore it up inside and outside of that place.  We would stop what we were doing, ignore all our tables and put on shows in the middle of the restaurant and even on top of tables filled with peoples meals.  The wilder we were the more the crowd and owners loved us.

     Krylon and I quickly bonded and became instant friends.  All we would do was laugh and carry on.  I had this self appointed rule that I would never repeat the same exact look twice so I was always coming up with crazy new outfits & styles.  Krylon had this joke that I could blend a toaster into my hair and people would think it was real.  I always wore my wigs mid-way at the scalp and left my real hair out in front that way the hair line and part was always natural.  I could literally have a pink afro on and people would ask me if it was my real hair!  We joked about my hair everyday - the cheaper the wig the better and I always had so many bobby pins in my head that I could've picked the locks at Fort Knox.

     One night during my shift I called a drug dealer from the restaurant phone (cell phones were not in the picture in 1993) that would always meet you around the corner in a town car.  You'd hop in, they'd drive around the block while your transaction took place then drop you off near where they had picked you up.  I ran out the door of Lulu's, mid-shift, on a really busy night and sprinted like a gazelle across the street in stilettos.  Well, of course, my heel snapped off mid flight and came right off my shoe completely.  I snatched it up, hopped in the town car to get my stash then realized I had no back up pair and still had to work all night long.  When the car dropped me off I hobbled to the nearest bodega (deli, convenient store, whatever you happen to call them) and bought a huge roll of duct tape.  I got back to the restaurant and I taped that damn shoe and heel directly to my foot and ankle - I used so much tape that it was more sturdy than the shoes were to begin with.

     That particular night Krylon and I went out after work at 2am, closed down a local bar then went to an infamous after-hours club on Ave. B called Save The Robots.  We didn't get out of there until 9am which meant we were in our stilettos for at least 15 hours straight!  Even though I didn't have spare shoes I never, ever left the house in drag without a pair of sunglasses - 9am wasn't an unusual time to get home back then.  Ah, the folly of youth.

     Now, Krylon lives in SF and is an amazing band called Double Duchess and, basically looks exactly the same, if not better, than when we met as baby drag queens a jillion years ago.  It's a trip to think of how many lifetimes we each lead on this planet.  Krylon and I met 21 years ago and even though we don't see each other enough when we do it's the same as it was back then - except we are both super healthy and sober now.   I don't think any of us realized how magical that time was as it was happening.  Almost everyone that we knew and loved lived within a 10 block radius of each other in the East Village.  Now, we are all dispersed but the connections will forever be the same beautiful, loving, fun connections they were in the beginning.

Some of the Lulu's crew - Krylon and Me top left.

     

     

What Is Love?

    

                                                    "The Two Fridas," 1939 by Krida Kahlo.

  What is true love? What is a soul-mate. Who is the "one?" Is there a one, a two, a three, or even a four? Is there a limit to the amount of times actual love presents itself to you?